santa banta jokes

Multiplications



Teacher : santa, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

Santa : You told me to do it without using tables.


An essay on a cricket match
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except our Santaji.

He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"


Biwi ko padhaunga
Santa : pehle me apni biwi ko BA karwaunga fir MA fir Phd karwaunga fir badiya si naukri dilwaunga.

Banta : fir acha sa rishta dekh k uski shaadi bhi krwa diyo


Santa frog



Cigarette
santa apne father k samne cigrate pi raha tha

Logon ne kaha ke aap apne father ke samne cigratte pi rahay ho?

Santa bola : Wo mera father hai, koi petrol pump thodi.

Imagine
Interviewer : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught fire?

Santa : Simple, Stop imagining.


Santa fell out
Q: Why did Santa fall out the window ?

A: He was ironing the curtain


Brake fail
Santa : O Banno Car ki speed itani kyo badha di..?

Biwi : Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, accident ho jaye iske pehele ghar pahunch jaate hai.


Banta fell in love
Banta fell in love with a porno star and married her. He got an opportunity to watch one of her movie.... the Movie came to an End.

A bit disturbed and annoyed with what he saw, Banta told himself, "Thank God it was just a movie and not reality."


Fighting
santa banta were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?

santa : This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?

santa: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.



The Plane Ride
Santa traveling 1st time in plane going to BOMBAY,
while landing, he shouted : "BOMBAY-BOMBAY",

air hostess : " B-silent please ",
santa said : " OMBAY - OMBAY.....!!!!!!!! "

”Darling” said Santa to his new bride. “Now that we are married ,do you think you can live on my small income?”. “Ofcourse dearest”, she replied. “But what will you live on?”

Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs and still managed to catch it. How did he do that? Because Santa’s watch is always ten minutes slow.

Santa checked his girlfriend’s mobile to know under what name she had saved his number. When he dialed his number form her phone, it showed “TIMEPASS NO. 8”

Santa is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room doesn’t flush so he runs to the lobby to use the men’s room but none of the stalls are free. He runs back to his room ,uproots a plant and shits in the pot .Then he puts the plant back and leaves. A week later he gets a postcard from the hotel that says” Dear Sir……all is forgiven…..just tell us…….where is it?”

Once Santa brought his girlfriend home for dinner. This was her first time meeting the family so she was tremendously nervous. This along with the broccoli she ate gave her a little gas so she let out a small noiseless fart but it turned out to be loud enough for the family to hear. Right then Santa’s father shouted at the dog sitting next to her chair, “Ginger!”. She was relieved. Next time she let out a louder one and again Santa’s father shouted at the dog, “Ginger!” he said. Finally she let a really loud one out that sounded like a train whistle and the father said “Ginger!!!!! Move from there before she shits on you!!!”


Santa walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. As he sips the beer he hears a soothing voice say “nice tie”. He looks around and is baffled to see that there is no one there except him and the bartender at the other end of the room. A few sips later the voice says “beautiful shirt”.Santa panics and calls the bartender over and says “I must be losing my mind, I can hear these voices say nice things but there is no one else except you and me” , the bartender points to the table and says “oh it’s the peanuts , they are complimentary

Inappropriate things that Santa tells his kid
-Beta why is a cemetery so popular?
Everyone is DYING to get in.
-Beta do you need a hand with that?
Haan papaji
Santa starts clapping.
-After watching his son slip on the slide, Santa says, “Happy journey Beta!!!!”
-Santa’s son asks for 100 bucks.
Santa says “ 50 bucks? What do you need 20 bucks for?”

Santa is the true music lover.
A girl is singing in a bathroom while taking a bath and Santa is near the keyhole listening to her.


Santa being romantic to his wife.
“One day God tested me , erased all my memory and asked do you remember anyone now?
I told Him your name and He replied, “I am sorry some viruses cannot be formatted””

Santa’s wife hit him on the head with the frying pan.
Santa: What was that for?
Santa’s Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the same BASANTI on it.
Santa: I bet on a horse last week and BASANTI was the name of my horse.
Santa’s wife: Oho Sorry
Next day she hit him with the frying pan again.
Santa: now what happened?
Santa’s wife: your horse is on the phone.

Santa tells his dad, “Pappaji there is this kid in school who calls me gay”
Santa’s Dad:” Oye beta then punch him!!!”
Santa: “ No papa he is sooooooo cute!!!”

Do you drink? Girl’s father asked Santa. Santa says “ first tell me whether it’s a question or invitation?”


Santa taking grammar lessons
“If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice!!!!”

Officer Santa: Madam swimming is restricted in this lake.
Lady: why didn’t you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer Santa: That is not restricted.

Santa: oye waiter ek mast chai pilao jo pura badan hila de.
Waiter: hamare yahan gaai ka doodh aata hai , Rakhi Sawant ka nahin.

Santa’s wife: Oye JI stop looking at other women you are married now.
Santa: Arre you mean if I am on diet I cant look at the menu also?

Santa and Banta were looking at an Egyptian Mummy at a museum.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Banta: Yes you are right. See lorry number is also written BC 1760 !!!

Teacher: Which animal flies in the air, but gives birth to young ones on land?
Santa (excited for the first time because he knows the answer)
Santa: AIRHOSTESS!!!!

Santa: That girl is deaf
Banta: How do you know?
Santa: I said I love her, she said her chapels are new

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!

Titanic was sinking. Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
Banta: Downwards!

Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.

Santa: "When I woke up this morning, I felt like going out and getting a job."
Banta: "Did you?"
Santa: "No. I stayed in bed until the feeling passed."

Banta ek Sadhu se bola: " Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao."
Sadhu: "Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?"

Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first -
the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.