Sardarji Jokes - Too Good

Surd = Surdar

A sardar can be so stupid that: -
He puts make up on his head so he can make up his mind
He gets stabbed in a shoot out
He sends a fax with a stamp on it
He tries to drown a fish
He tries to push a bird of a cliff
He thinks socialism means partying
He trips over a cordless phone
He takes a ruler to bed to see how long it sleeps
He puts Sagittarius in the box for 'sign here' on the application form
He studies for a blood test and fails
He sells the car for gas money
He misses the 44 bus and takes the 22 twice
He drives to the airport and sees a sign that said 'Airport Left' turns around and goes home
He gets locked in a furniture shop and sleeps on the floor
He calls you to get your phone number
He spends 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said concentrate
He tells you to meet at the corner of 'Walk' and "Don't Walk"
He tries to put M&M's in alphabetical order
He sits on the TV and watches the couch
He thinks that a quarterback was a refund
He gets locked in a grocery store and starves to death
He would give you change when u gave him a penny for his thoughts
They had to burn down the school to get him out of third grade
He puts 'Hooked on Phonics' under education on the application form
He takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
He would be speechless if he spoke his mind
He thinks that Boyz II men was a day-care centre
He thinks that Meow Mix was a record for cats
He ask for a price check at the dollar store
He thinks you need a token to get on Soul train
He went home and got 16 friends when he saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted)
He moved when he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home
He thinks that Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
He laughs at a joke on Saturday when he was told it on the Wednesday.
*
Santa and a friend are sitting in a cinema. Just before the break they see a cactus and in some distance a cowboy. During the break the friend says to santa:"I bet the cowboy will ride into the cactus."
Santa answers: "I do not believe that."
They agree that the loser invites the winner to a bottle of wine after the film. It turns out that the friend wins. So after the film they drink together the bottle of wine in a restaurant near the cinema.
Then the friend says: "I must confess that the bet was not fair. I saw the film for the second time."
Then Santa replies: "And I saw it for the fourth time, but I did not think that this fool rides into the cactus again."
*
Santa Singh: "My doctor told me to drink carrot juice after a hot bath to cure my cold."
Banta Singh: "Does it work?"
Santa Singh: "I don't know... I can never finish drinking the hot bath."
*
Once a sardarji receives a love letter from his beloved. Being an illeterate he cannot read the letter. So keeping that letter for him for weeks,months and years he thought how to read the letter. He thought and thought and thought and this sardarji being a little intelligent fellow finally he got an idea that he can go with that letter to his friend and ask his friend to read that letter for him. So he made all the plans to reach his friend. Finally he reached his friend's house on one fine morning and he explains all the story, but still he does not want his friend to know what that letter contains(the letter being very personal and meant for only to the sardarji), so again he thought and thought and thought for one week and finally he got an idea.......So this was the situation what our GREAT FRIEND SARDARJI was in...can u just guess what he is going to do with his final idea....?????
(Ans): He just closes his friend's EARS while his friend is going to read the letter so that his friend cannot hear what he is reading.......
*
A Surd prime minister visited the president of the neighbouring country and complained about all this jokes about surds that others tell each other. "This leads to the impression that all surds are stupid", he said. "You should not take this so earnestly",answered the neighbouring minister, "These are only jokes and not true stories. And there are also stupid people in our country. I will prove it to you."
Saying so, he went to his driver and said: "Please drive to my home and find out, whether I am at home." The driver immediately went on his way.
The surd prime minister was satisfied: "He is very stupid indeed. There is a public phone just at the corner. It would have been easier to call and check!"
*
A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help.
He goes into the temple and begins to pray..........."Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lottery"
Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the temple................
"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well"
"Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple..................
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord:
"SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST"
*
Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
Yes of course, said the doctor, why not!
"Oh How nice it would be I have been illiterate for so long" replied Banta with joy.
*
Santa Singh went to kashmir officially and called to his house over phone.
Sardar had taken the receiver.
Santa Singh : Who is speaking?
Sardar : Servant Sir.
Santa Singh : Where is the Madam?
Sardar : She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.
Santa Singh : What? I am her husband came to Kashmir today.
Sardar : What can I do now sir?
Santa Singh : Open the cub board, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line.
After some time ... there comes 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...
Sardar : Yes, I did Sir. But what can i do next Sir?
Santa Singh : Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming pool
Sardar : There is no swimming pool in our house Sir
Santa Singh : What...? No swimming pool?
Sardar : Yes Sir
Santa Singh : Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!
*
One day, Banta goes to the clinic, and he finds his friend Santa crying.
Banta: Santa, Why are you crying?
Santa: The doctors are going to take my blood test by cutting my finger.
After hearing this Banta also starts crying.
Santa: Banta, why are you crying?
Banta: I'm here for urine test!
*
One day, Banta, along with his two friends, one being Polish and the other being an American go to the police station to get jobs as cops. However, they would have to answer only one question. The Polish person goes into the room.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Polish: The Catholics.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the job.
The American goes next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
American: The Jews.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the job.
Banta is next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Banta: You have to give me more time. Can I tell you tomorrow?
Detective: Sure, take as much time as you want.
Banta then goes home and he finds his wife making dinner.
Wife: How did your interview go, sweetheart.
Banta: It went very well. I'm on my very first murder case.
*
Santa Singh was traveling by train without a ticket. When he saw the T.C (Banta singh) coming he thought of an excuse which he had heard from other people, that is, ministers can travel free. So when Banta came and asked Santa for his ticket, he said 'Oye! asi minister' (I'm a minister). Banta asked him 'Oye! tusi kade Minister' (which minister). Santa couldn't think of any minister except Mrs. Indira Gandhi, so he said 'Oy! asi Indira Gandhi'. Immediately Banta caught Santa's feet for blessing and said 'Oye! asi bauth sunya, Oye! asi bauth padya, aaj dhek leya'(I heard a lot about you, I read a lot about you and my luck, I saw you today).
*
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He had to get off on station that came up at 4 am. He asked the guy sitting opposite him on the train to wake him up at 4 am and gave him Rs 20 to do so. This guy was a barber, and felt that for Rs 20 the passenger deserved more service. So, when he fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off is beard!
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. His wife said, " What's the matter?" He replied, "The cheat on the train has taken Rs 20 from me and has woken up someone else!!!"
*
The sardarni asked his lover, Santa Singh, "Santa darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?". "Sure", said Santa, "what's your phone number?"
*
Santa, Banta, and one of their friends, Munnabhai, were stranded on an uninhabited island. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited. Munnabhai was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He swam upto 50 miles, got tired, and drowned. Then Banta tried. He swam upto 75 miles, but got tired and drowned, too. Santa thought he could make it all the way, so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island.
*
SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."
*
One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar and the sardar denied simply saying that in our family we marry only our relatives my mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my uncle married my aunt and so on. so please excuse me !!!!!
*
A sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this sardarji replies, "oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, Wash Basin"
*
A sardarji with a big bandage in his left hand told his friend (not a sardar) that his hand was caught in the machine in the factory.
"oh!" exclaimed the friend and said "If it had happened to the right hand you would have suffered triple than this"
"I am not a fool" said the sardar. "First the position was that only my right was about to get caught...I instantly pulled it out and gave my left hand inside"
*
Three men - an American, a Japanese and Banta Singh were sitting in the sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stoped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
Banta felt decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. He steped out of the sauna and went to toilet. He returns with a piece of 'Toilet paper' hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" "I'm getting a fax," he explains.
*
Banta started to explain his Adventure. He had gone to a remote village on some work and due to his high level of intelligence, couldn't finish the work on time. He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn't find any Hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he can stay there for the night.
The Owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay."
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.
The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry, I can't allow you to stay."
He went towards the next house and without taking any risks,asked, "Do you have grown up daughters?"
The Owner asked,"WHY?????????"
Banta replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night ....."
* Very nice one below
A surd wants to somehow get a doctorate. One of his friend advises him to do research in zoology. So the surd decides to do his research in zoology, that too with a Frog. He first keeps the frog on a table and asks it to jump. It jumps.
Now he cuts one of its legs and keeps it over the table. Again he asks it to jump. Again frog jumps.
Getting boosted by this development, now he cuts another leg and asks the frog to jump. The frog jumps again.
Getting wondered about it, now he cuts the third leg and again asks it to jump. The frog jumps.
Now he could not control the suspense and cuts the fourth leg and ask the frog to jump. It doesn't. Immediately the surd writes in his thesis "If you cut all the four legs of a frog, it will become deaf."
*
Once one sardar and one pathan were traveling in one train. Sardar was trying to open his suitcase to take out his night dress, but he was unable to open it. Pathan came and opened the suitcase and said " Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai" and went off .
After an hour sardar was busy in opening his lunch box, but he could not open it. Pathan came, opened the box and said "Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai" and went off .
After some time sardar was trying to open the door of the toilet but he could not. Again Pathan came and opened it with one kick and said " Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai"
This time sardar became angry he asked pathan "oye muzhe ek gal bata, teri ma jungle gayi thi ya sher tere ghar aaya tha?" and went off



Have FUNNN!!!